My Favorite Search Terms for My Blog 

blog stats
Truth be told, I hardly ever look at my stats page. Google Analytics is really cool, and seeing how many people are looking at what on my site is fun. The thing is, it’s kind of a lot of pressure.

When I start looking, I wonder why something I wrote didn’t get many views and something else did. I question why I write absurd things on the Internet.

However, there is a bright spot!! I love to see what search terms bring people to my site.

Here are some of my favorites that have brought people to my little corner (along with my reactions).

I lost weight with happy herbivore (haha I wish but I will get there)

shibainu amazing (Yes. Yes, they are!!)

my bucket list before I turn 35 (aww, crap, I’m getting way too close to 35. I need to work on that list)

childfree 2015 (WHAT? Is that a thing?! Did I start a revolution?)

myself as a sunrise (I have no idea what this means. At all. But maybe it’s a poem?)

how to sex myself (okay, I KNOW I did not write about that)

the bartender loves you (yup. Drink up, readers)

spirit animal sun bear (this person should be my friend)

need a stylist for myself (oh, honey, so do I)

Tupperware myself (okay, what? Are you making your own Tupperware, or wearing it like clothes? Either way I want pictures)

I want more silly search terms. I need entertainment 🙂 Also, if we’re trying to learn from this- I definitely noticed more people came to my blog looking for pictures of Stitchfix clothes than anything else. Stitchfix is amazing!

Jillian

As Featured on News Cult: 30 Questions to Ask a Guy Before You Sleep with Him

Where was this when I was single…

only bad chi

Fellow females, do your homework–no need to make the same mistake I’ve made all too many times, and find yourself waking up next to not the person you thought/hoped/expected you’d see upon opening your hungover eyes. I’ve made it easier for you by drawing up the below handy checklist of questions you can/absolutely should ask any man before bestowing upon him the honor of becoming your bedfellow, whether for one night or a couple more than that. http://cdn.meme.am/instances/500x/54766753.jpgWhat is your favorite Girl Scout cookie?

What are your thoughts on oral sex (giving–we clearly know what they are on receiving)?

How many nights out of the week do you cry yourself to sleep?

If this turns into an overnight commitment, do you expect to be cooked eggs in the morning? Dogs or cats?

What’s your number (of sexual partners to date, not phone)?

Have you seen and do you appreciate Fried…

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April Fool’s Day Came Early 

  

So, I’m going to be honest. I’m not known for being the greatest driver in the world (to put it mildly). However, my family is all basically terrible at driving, so a) I come by it honestly and b) who are they to criticize?! 

Literally my sister once hit my car while it was parked (with her car). She’s going to get mad at me for saying that, but you’ll see in a minute why she deserves it… 

Yesterday J, Riley, and I went to my sister’s house for lunch with my family. My two grandmas had decided they wanted to see each other, so we had a grandma party! 

  

My little brother is rocking my world in this picture. Just sayin’. 

Anyway, so we have the party and then head back to Portland. I haven’t been sleeping much, and after about 45 minutes I pull over to walk Riley- hoping that the walk will wake me up because I’m starting to feel cloudy and sleepy. I take her out (she’s in a car carrier on my side of the car), and walk around the front of my car to get to the grass. We walk for a bit and I feel much better. 

For some reason, when I go back to the car I walk around the back. 

That offensive magnet is on my car!!!!!!!!

  

At first I think it’s a sticker and I’m outraged. Then I realize it’s a magnet and pull it off and am a little less outraged. Still, I have been driving with this on my car for 45 minutes!! Lol! 

I get back in the car and tell my husband that he and my siblings are a bunch of ***holes. He tries to act all innocent. 

Later, my sister tries to act all innocent too but cracks quickly, as she’s dying to know how long it took me to find it. 

My brother hasn’t admitted to anything yet, but he just graduated driver’s ed so I KNOW he’s involved. 

They’re a bunch of little punks. 

Still, I’m jealous of their general hilarity and am now trying to decide who’s car I will put the magnet on… 

What’s the best practical joke someone has played on you?

Jillian

‘Five Photos, Five Stories’ Challenge Day 4: Yoga Bear

Alex nominated me to participate in the ‘Five Photos, Five Stories’ Challenge. I like Alex’s blog, Only Bad Chi, because it’s awesomely funny. I probably also like it because I relate to almost everything she says, which I guess is a lot of what drives us to read blogs, right?! I’m hoping this shameless flattery will help her not be mad that I’m just cutting and pasting the next part from her blog 🙂

For the challenge, I have to post a different photo for five consecutive days, and include an accompanying story (fiction or non-fiction) along with each. I also have to nominate a new blogger each day to keep the challenge going! If I nominate you, it’s completely up to you whether you participate. The only other rules are to mention the person who nominated you in your first post, and keep nominating others.

yoga bear

I think it’s just obvious that this picture is EVERYTHING. I was reading a running magazine one day on the treadmill (probably Women’s Running, it’s my favorite, but I don’t remember), and I found this ad. I seriously starting giggling at the sheer cuteness. Then I just could.not.stop.laughing.

I don’t know if you’ve been to a large gym, but there generally aren’t a lot of runners on treadmill laughing hysterically to themselves and holding pictures of bears, while trying to not fall off the treadmill (unless I belong to your gym, then that kind of thing happens a lot).

It was kind of embarrassing. I pulled myself together.

Then I took a picture of the ad with my phone.

And lost it again.

Every time I need a smile, I look at this bear in cobra pose. What makes you lose it?

My friend M just cannot keep any kind of chill when anyone mentions goats. It’s a long story… but she has this idea that the funniest thing in the world would be to put a goat on someone’s porch. Like… where did it come from? What is it doing there? I kind of get it. But not like she does!!

I want to nominate All Around Better Me to do the challenge next (no pressure if you don’t want to!)!

Jillian

The truth will…

This is so cracking me up right now. Thanks, Kotton Kupkakes 🙂