Weigh In Wednesday- Starting Over

ugh This is my “I know how ridiculous I am, I just don’t know what to do about it- so sue me” face.

I have no motivation to lose weight. Last week I pre-empted Weigh In Wednesday for the Five Photos, Five Stories Challenge. I wasn’t exactly sad, as I had no real update.

What I do have, is buckets of body shaming that I pour upon myself.

Here is the only step I can truly say I have taken and kept up on the last few weeks- walking more. I have a fitbit, and I have been getting more motivated to step it up 🙂 Anyone else who has a fitbit should let me know so we can compete!

Riley got out of the house the other day and I had to run after her. I absolutely could not hack it. I am so out of shape. I never got the personal trainer that I swore I needed, but I did research it last night.

The community center that is half a mile from my house offers six sessions for $210! I am definitely calling today on my lunch break, and I will post an update once I do- since I clearly can’t get myself together!

I know that is the first step and I’m so mad at myself for not taking it. Today is the day that I will stop apologizing and start doing.

Jillian

Weigh In Wednesday and the Status Quo

bear nailsI thought I should report in- I did do the manicure that I talked about on Saturday! It didn’t come out as cute as hers, but I still like it! I definitely felt less than professional in my meetings this week, but with the bears on the thumbs it’s easier to hide those away.

My weight is the same as last week (still at a total loss of 6.8 pounds). I honestly haven’t been working very hard this week. I have been putting my energy toward finding a therapist. This is probably too personal for the internet, so I won’t get too detailed. The general idea is I’ve decided that since I’m taking life in my own hands this year, I should start from scratch. I think that a lot of my weight issues are related to not taking care of myself in the right ways. I need to prioritize my health and my sanity. I want to live intentionally and relaxed 🙂 Talking to an unbiased party will help me sort out how to achieve my goals- or at least that’s what I’m hoping.

That said, I have kind of been maintaining the status quo. One change that I’ve made that I’m happy about is I’ve been eating a lot more salads. That is a huge step for me, since my natural inclination is to eat every carb I’ve ever seen in my life. Making one small change is a huge deal for me, because I tend to either make huge changes I can’t maintain, or no changes at all.

I’m still really struggling with exercise. My energy has been so low, and I just have zero motivation. What should my next small change be? What are you working on this week?

Jillian

Weigh In Wednesday- Company Dinner

getting crazyThis is the kind of night I had last night. It was our company party, and we all drank and ate too much. However, I did stay strong and only had one piece of bread, and only half of my dinner. I also left way earlier than I normally do- which meant far less binge drinking (ummm I still had four drinks. Not trying to pretend I’m some sort of not drinking saint here).

By some miracle, I am down almost three pounds from last week (6.8 pounds total since January). We shall see if this carries over to next week or is just a miracle, but I haven’t been drinking this week until last night. I also have been trying to cut out the snack I have after work. I decided that they are killing my progress.

I had my last personal training session, and I had decided that instead of buying more personal training, I would use up my fitness class passes first. As I type this, I think I’m changing my mind. We JUST talked about how I need personal training. I don’t want to lose momentum. I’m being silly and need to buy it 🙂 It’s like I just don’t listen!

How is everyone else’s food and exercise going this week? I also had a crazy scare with a friend- she got a pretty bad injury from yoga. I’m now afraid of yoga, and I think I’m going to take that off My 35 Project and change it to something else!

Jillian

Weigh In Wednesday- Personal Training 

IMG_9073The only time I’ve truly successfully lost weight and kept it off for any amount of time was when I worked with a personal trainer. I know this, and even so I have a hard time getting a personal trainer.

A view inside my head: “it’s so expensive! There is absolutely no reason I can’t do this myself. I do not need to spend this much money on something that I can do myself. Plus, I’m embarrassed to admit to a stranger that I’m fat.” Et cetera, et cetera.

Now, is this positive self talk? Or even true? NO. I have no idea why I talk to myself this way, and I’m not allowed to anymore- I’m supposed to be positive. This means that I have to start by admitting I won’t do it myself. I didn’t get this way because I could do it myself. I need help. The money is real, but I think it makes sense to spend it on that instead of clothes and eating out. As for admitting that I’m overweight and need help- that isn’t easy for me either, but, umm… People have eyes. I don’t think any of this is actually a secret.

I’ve posted before that I bought a three pack of personal training sessions. I’ve used two of them, and the last one is this Saturday. Here is where I’m deciding that I need to buy more. It’s forcing me to work out once a week, and makes me want to do more in between so I look like I’m trying when I see the trainer.

She pushes me to do more than I ever would on my own, and I’m sore all the time. I like being sore, because it reminds me to make better choices. Work out more, eat less garbage, do some yoga to stretch it out 🙂

Does anyone else do personal training? Or have a way I can get my butt to the gym and not pay a personal trainer? I think maybe I’ll look around and see if I can get a better deal somewhere else.

If anyone is keeping track, my weigh in this week is still pretty stable, but down a bit from last week. I am down 4.8 pounds since January. I am not going to say anything negative about that, even though I want to!!

Jillian

Weigh In Wednesday- Sun Bear Edition

sun bearMy weight is still stable this week.

I went to the zoo over the weekend, and I saw this Sun Bear. Poor Sun Bear! He had too many cocktails last night, or maybe just didn’t stick to his diet very well. 🙂 He is obviously my spirit animal, so I had to take a ton of pictures. I know exactly how he feels.

Sometimes I just want to give up on myself. EVERY DAY I continue to indulge in something that I meant not to.

However, unlike the bear, I have freedom. I can make my own choices, go where I want, do what I want. I want to start viewing my health like I view my budget. I love having a budget for my money, because it allows me to see exactly where I have room to splurge. I have $50 extra dollars, I can choose where to put it and that gives me freedom.

So… I’m proposing that I (we? who’s on board) use that freedom with my lifestyle change. If I mess up in one way, I give up and do everything wrong. THAT’S TERRIBLE! If I did that with my budget, I would probably be homeless or in jail. If I want to not work out, I can’t have a drink. If I want a drink, I can’t chase it with chocolate. See what I mean? I know what this is- it is moderation. The very thing that people have been preaching at me my whole life, and I haven’t found. Now is the time.

Does anyone have any help for me? I think Nike’s slogan is all I really need here 🙂

Jillian

Weigh In Wednesday- a Cleanse

cleanseWarning: if cleanses or detoxes of any sort may trigger you, this would be a great time to stop reading this and go to the Shiba category and look at cute animals!

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I wanted to do a cleanse, but not a full on one because those turn me into a crazy person. I think it’s a little beyond my mental capacity right now. My real goal is to get myself off sugar. Every time I eat something with very much sugar I feel like garbage, but I can’t stop eating it! There’s always chocolate at work, J keeps sugary snacks at home- and I have no self control even though I know it makes me feel gross.

The guidelines of my cleanse are no added sugar (fruit is okay), no alcohol, no caffeine, and extra fruits and veggies. I already don’t eat meat, and I limit dairy and eggs. I’m doing smoothies at work, because I need to go cold turkey if I’m going to get off this sugar habit. Basically, I’m doing a cleanse like BluePrint, but I’m making up my own rules and not spending $65 a day (I’m sure they’re lovely people, but come on. really?!). I’m also doing smoothies instead of juice because for me, cutting the fiber out of my food seems silly. I don’t understand why people drink juice and laxative tea, when they could just leave the fiber in their juice… anyway, I’m digressing. So I made three smoothies on Sunday night, roughly following this recipe. I used mostly spinach, with banana, cherries, and water. Then I made two protein shake/smoothies. I used half water and half unsweetened coconut milk, plus one serving of protein powder and 2/3 cup of mango. This is what I had throughout the day on Monday, though I didn’t drink the third green smoothie. Then I ate a normal dinner, but without dessert or alcohol. I did the same thing yesterday. It has been hard to resist sweets, but it’s easier for me when I flat out tell myself it IS NOT an option. I will continue for a week or until I start to feel like I will drown in smoothies. I think that a week is a good goal. I actually started on Sunday, so I just have to make it through Saturday! After three days of this, I am still very close to last week’s weight. This is probably good, I am filling my body with nutrients and not losing water weight.

I had my first (of three) personal training sessions last night! She kept having to cancel, so I was really losing motivation. Now it’s back! It’s back because it was a wake up call in a big way. The set up was probably the worst possible scenario for someone that is seeking personal training because they are unhappy with their body. One wall is mirrors, two walls are floor windows that go to the parking lot and sidewalk. Anyone in the world can watch. I know that no one cares, but it’s still hard to not feel like you’re in a fishbowl. I also have been avoiding truly looking at my body, and the outfit I chose, the mirrors, and the lighting did not allow me to hide anymore.I need to get serious so I can feel better about myself, and feel better in general.

You may be wondering how my yoga is going. It’s not. I meant to start Sunday, but was so sick and slept for as much of the day as possible. Then Monday came and I remembered I had personal training Tuesday and wouldn’t be able to go Tuesday. Thus, I decided to start tonight so I can try to go seven days in a row. I really need to drag my slacker self over there. Part of it is anxiety- I hate going into a new class. The other part is I hate leaving Riley the puppy bear 🙂

Note: I use Arbonne protein powder (this is an affiliate link- if you buy this I will get a small percentage). It is vegan, gluten free, soy free, has no artificial sweeteners, and tastes like cake batter. I’ve only tried the vanilla, but it’s good with everything. Arbonne is one of those weird club things. If you or someone you know is in the club, you should definitely buy it from there because it’s cheaper. Sometimes I do that, but if I can’t get on board with someone else’s order I get it off Amazon. I thought I would mention it because it’s so hard to find vegan protein powder, and this is the only one I’ve ever liked. A lot of people like Sun Warrior, but I can’t stand it. It feels like sand in my mouth.

Happy Wednesday!

Jillian